I wear hats to work a lot. The atmosphere is relaxed enough that this isn't a problem, and it's amazing how many minutes I can shave off my morning routine by slapping on a newsboy cap or beret instead of actually trying to sculpt something presentable out of the hot mess that is my head in the morning. Today I wore a different kind of hat. A more functional hat, if you will. I wore and drank from a beer helmet. I hooked a St. Paddy's-colored cheap plastic hat up to two bottles of Naked Strawberry Banana C and sucked up a total of half a bottle through the musty, taste-destroying plastic tubes. Then I had to rush the thing out of my office and down the hall to the bathroom while it leaked smoothie onto the carpet in the hallway. I then stood at the bathroom sink chanting "please don't come in here" to the deaf ears of the general female population at work while I rinsed chunks of smoothie out of the tubes. You would think that I would have had the foresight to just pull the tubes out of the hat and take them to the bathroom instead of the entire contraption... but you'd be wrong. Luckily nobody walked in on me, but it was almost a shame that they didn't. It's not every day you get to explain to someone why you're washing banana out of a bright green beer helmet at work.