Monday, March 23, 2009

NT 28/31: Fakenant



Today I walked around wearing a fake pregnancy belly! Friend Stephanie came over and we went to brunch and took a walk around my hood. It's amazing how differently people, even New Yorkers, treat a lady with a bean in her belly! At the diner near my apartment (from which I ordered a hamburger just last week and picked it up while sporting a completely flat tummy), we were seated sooner than a non-childbearing couple, offered water faster and allowed to move to a bigger booth when the kids near us (there with their super pregnant mom) started driving us nuts. The couple across the aisle smiled sympathetically as my giant torso and I slid into a new booth. I was absolutely desperate for some coffee, but went without for the sake of authenticity. I caved to the craving on the way home, and ordered some from the bodega guy who sees me almost every day, yet took no visible notice of my suddenly enormous midsection. The lady paying next to me, however, baldly gawked at me, perhaps shocked that I was ordering coffee, or in disbelief that I was skinny everywhere else and freakin' huge in the belly. (I later told Stephanie that had anyone asked, I would have said I was at 36 weeks. She said I looked more like 47 weeks.)
In the days leading up to this, I poked around costume shops and theatre message boards to see if anyone knew where I could buy or borrow a good PG belly, and came up with nothing. As of this morning, I still had no idea what I was going to use, and a trip to Duane Reade for something "round, but flexible, and with maybe a flat part?" was a bust. BUT when I headed over to Gristedes, the first thing I saw when I walked in the door was a box these vile, gelatinous inflatable spiky ball things (there is no graceful way to describe them) thrown in amongst other garish Easter gift miscellany. I grabbed one, jetted back home, wrapped it in a pillowcase to flatten the undulating spikes and used a Butter sash to secure it underneath my loose-fitting Butter shirt.

I later gave birth to a beautiful, healthy Whatthecrap!

4 comments:

Jackie said...

Interesting....

annie :) said...

I was worse preggo girl than you....I drank coffee when knocked up ;)
You make cute pregnant lady!! :)

MJC said...

Pregnant women shouldn't drink coffee? That may explain why I turned out so weird....

Happy birthday, Jen!!!




ps. prodont

Crystal Chick said...

You look adorable with your fakenantness. But, your whatthecrap has a face only a mother could.