Tuesday, August 9, 2011

I Wish They All Could Be

I'm really glad I became your friend. Have a really bitchen summer

I was paranoid for months after this that my mom would see the word 'bitchen' and I would get in trouble. Years later, my mom would tell me that her cousin actually did get in trouble for "letting" someone write 'bitchen' in her yearbook. And that was in the '60s! I didn't even know they had 'bitchen' back then! So I was paranoid for naught---my mom is nothing if not a champion for the unfairly punished child whose yearbook is defiled against her will.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

oooh! also...

I have a new column at G.L.O.C.! I interview high-profile comedy ladies about what their first time was like. Wink.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Our Last Summer

Oh- my Pocahontis[sic]-your[sic] a wonderful person who is incedibly [sic] funny I Love you!

GAH! I have thought and thought and thought on this and I cannot remember where the Pocahontas thing came from. I know we and our merry band of theatre geeks had tons of inside jokes, but I can't think of anything that could have possibly been relevant to the shows we did together—The Tempest, Weird Romance, The Wall (what in 1940s Warsaw could have inspired this?), You Can't Take It With You. And I believe you wrote this before we even did some of those shows. So was it an improv thing? Did I let out a racist war whoop during amoeba tag? Did I come to school in braids at some point before my dreadful 1995 chin-bob? Was one of my unrequited crushes named John Smith? Baffled.

But let's not let my confusion overshadow the upshot of this delightful note. Yes, I am incedibly, incredibly funny. And thank you for having been one of the first people to call me Jen. I can't remember whether you inspired my split decision to drop the -ny when I got to college, but let's say you did! And I love YOU and I'm so glad we're still in touch and that you and one of my favorite people from college were able to become what looks like good buddies out in L.A. One day we'll all have to get together and talk about that club we're both in*.
*inside joke! inside joke!

Monday, August 1, 2011

High Flying, Adored

Hi. I'll miss you over the summer. You are always fun to be with.
[heart] Jaime
P.S. Stay short

Ooh... I don't know how to tell you this... I grew. Like, a lot. Like, more than a foot between 7th grade and now. The 4'8" peanut I was in 7th grade has um... blossomed(?*) into an angular, occasionally awkward lass of 5'9ish". Which is probably still shorter than you must be by now- my combination of perception and memory may throw off my prediction a bit, but seeing as how I had to fully tilt my head back to look at you, I estimate you were at least 5'6" back then. If you kept growing, you probably hit 6' by age 18, which is awesome. Rock that height!

You're short, grow some! It's nice knowing you I'll probably see you over the summer. Stay cool!
You're[sic] friend,

You got it! If we ever meet again, you just might discover that I have in fact surpassed you in height. In addition to being completely nice and fun and total non-jerk (save for when you impulsively punched J in the face at my 13th birthday pool party), you were a bit on the non-tall side. Which is totally fine. And I can't feel guilty about having gotten taller than you- YOU TOLD ME TO!

*can you use "blossom" as a verb if you're not Judy Blume writing a book about female puberty?